I developed the quote above while reading a book that touched on the theme of the purpose of our lives. The path we were created to travel in this world. We are all meant to be something in this world. Discovering who that is is part of our journey. The rest of the journey is living this truth.
Of course this quick breakdown of life is in very general terms. There is so much more to it than that; creating and nourishing loving relationships with others, raising a family (if that’s what you want to do), traveling, volunteering, whatever floats your boat and makes you feel fulfilled on every level. But today we are going to talk about life’s purpose.
Why did the Universe put us here and give us the gifts that we have?
I recently lost a loved one in my life and it knocked me completely off of my feet. My grief shook me down to my bones and a lot of stuff came up for me that has been subconsciously stewing for a while now. I was in a pretty dark, negative place for a solid week. I wrote the “Then” part of this post while in this dark place and struggling to deal with my emotions and desires. It has been about a week since these events transpired in my life. The “Now” portion of this post is my reflection on how I felt from a more positive, healthy place.
Death has a way of putting life in perspective. Of making you look at your life and where you are headed. Lately I’ve been seriously struggling with accepting where I am right now in my life. Let me specify here that I am talking about my career. What I do with my daily life to financially support myself. Outside of my career I could not be happier with where I am in my life. I feel fulfilled on so many levels from the loving relationships in my life, from my friends and family, my significant other, my puppy, this blog, my small but growing business, my yoga practice. I have so much to be thankful for and most of my days I am so incredibly happy and feel like one lucky chick.
So why do I feel restless? So stuck in the mud? Not knowing where to turn or how to get out of it. Why do I get so choked up even talking about my career and dread the question from family I haven’t seen in a while… “so how is the job going?” I don’t want to sound like an ungrateful complainer. I have a job, and a good one too. One many people would give a lot for. Can’t that just be enough?
For many people in this world that is enough. But not for me. I am a girl with big dreams and even bigger goals. I have discovered my life’s purpose (or at least part of it) and I am having trouble accepting that I am not quite there yet. It lives in me and I breathe the air of my dreams every day, yet achieving them, or even moving in that direction, seems so far away. So unattainable that sometimes it can be hard to stay positive.
For someone who is normally so upbeat and happy, that bothers me. I don't like how it makes me feel, how it brings me down and tries to dampen the brightest parts of my life. While having a normal conversation with my father, he tells me to be more positive. I hate that someone even needs to tell me that! Normally I am the positive one trying to lift people up and help them see on the brighter side and focus on the happy stuff in their lives.
I long with every fiber of my being to be that person who is so passionate about their career. To do something that doesn’t feel like work every day. That doesn’t include a 90 minute daily commute (roundtrip, but still). Is that too much to ask?
Though I am in a more positive place today, all of these questions and feelings still live inside of me. I certainly do not have it figured out. But a few things are different.
First off, I believe that my present circumstances will not determine my future, just help me get there. I continually tell myself (and write on this blog) that everything happens in life for a reason. What I do today is shaping me into the person I will be tomorrow. Tomorrow will come when it’s ready, and not a minute sooner.
Secondly, I accept these feelings, respect them for what they are and know deep down that I am dealing with them in my own way on my own time. I won’t have all the answers overnight. Lasting, beneficial change takes time. I should not push myself to get through this at an unreasonable, unhealthy pace (which is something I most definitely have struggled with in the past).
Third, I know these feelings will not go away until I get to where I need to be and that’s okay. This won’t be the last time that I get overwhelmed and feel a little down. It’s about progress, not perfection. New stuff will probably come up in place of these emotions when I finally end up dealing with them! That’s the way of life. It keeps us on our toes, continues to make us better people.
Lastly, I have faith that I will get there someday. And when I do, I will actually understand where “there” is! I may not have all the answers today (or tomorrow for that matter), but if I keep on writing, sharing my love for fitness and health, doing yoga, cooking good food and spreading the love, something will eventually come back to me. It’s the law of the Universe. What you give is what you get.
I will figure it out, and when I do, it’s gonna be great.
~Peace, love and positivity~